The Debatable Quip: 2009

Monday, March 23, 2009

Not such gurnisht: Identify a stroke.

From an email I got:

Blood Clots/Stroke - They Now Have a Fourth Indicator, the Tongue

I will continue to forward this every time it comes around!

STROKE: Remember the 1st Three Letters....S.T.R.

STROKE IDENTIFICATION

It only takes a minute to read this...

A neurologist says that if he can get to a stroke victim within 3 hours he can totally reverse the effects of a stroke...totally. He said the trick was getting a stroke recognized, diagnosed, and then getting the patient medically cared for within 3 hours, which is tough.

RECOGNIZING A STROKE

Thank God for the sense to remember the '3' steps, STR . Read and Learn!

Sometimes symptoms of a stroke are difficult to identify. Unfortunately, the lack of awareness spells disaster. The stroke victim may suffer severe brain damage when people nearby fail to recognize the symptoms of a stroke.

Now doctors say a bystander can recognize a stroke by asking three simple questions:

S *Ask the individual to SMILE.
T *Ask the person to TALK and SPEAK A SIMPLE SENTENCE (Coherently)
(i.e. It is sunny out today.)
R *Ask him or her to RAISE BOTH ARMS.

If he or she has trouble with ANY ONE of these tasks, call emergency number immediately and describe the symptoms to the dispatcher.

New Sign of a Stroke -------- Stick out Your Tongue

NOTE: Another 'sign' of a stroke is this: Ask the person to 'stick' out his tongue.. If the tongue is 'crooked', if it goes to one side or the other,that is also an indication of a stroke.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Mickey Mouse as blackmailing chainsaw-wielding studio executive

South Park - Season 13: The Ring - full episode.
You can now watch full episodes of SP at http://www.southparkstudios.com. Sweeeeeeet.

Monday, March 16, 2009

When Greg Giraldo makes fun of Gary Busey:

Laughter ensues. At least by me. I like loud, obnoxious, vulgar comedians. Sometimes.
This is from the roast of Larry the cable guy on comedy central.

Roast of Larry the Cable GuyTuesday 2:30am / 1:30c

Greg Giraldo - When Busey Speaks

Larry the Cable Guy
Roast

Greg Giraldo
Maureen McCormick

You're teeth look like a row of urinals! Every time you open your mouth I feel like pissing in it!

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Oh yeh, I'm there....NOT.

This is one of things that makes facebook interesting: I can see how people whom I'd probably avoid in real life are planning to spend holidays, birthdays and full moon festivals. I guess it sharpens my sense of who I am and what I envision as pleasurable. For instance:

No way would I go to that. Unless my other option was to move to the Bekaa valley until the olive harvest season. Not that I have any Purim plans - in fact I barely have any LIFE plans - but unless I got asked to escort the front-woman of the pussycat dolls there, I'd rather be at home smoked out drinking beer listening to bebop and mozart and watching nba highlights online.

Asians and I for sure have one thing in common:

We both find handkerchiefs disgusting. According to yahoo! travel any type of nose waste is considered abominable in Japan and China. I've always wondered why anyone would wanna carry a piece of cloth absorbed with snot in their pocket anyhow. I guess there are grosser things than eating turtles and frogs.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

How the hell does this work?

http://stwww.weizmann.ac.il/manor/hachiva_kamutit/game.html
The answer is somewhere here:

nihush=0;
function kesem()
{
nihush=Math.round(Math.random()*26);
windi=new Array("a", "n", "b", "d", "f", "h", "{", "i", "l", "v", "x", "z", "I", "J", "M", "N", "o", "O", "R", "S", "T", "U", "m", "6", "^", "u", "_", "[", "]")
ribua=""
j=1;
for ( i = 99 ; i >= 0 ; i-- )
{
n=Math.round(Math.random()*26);
if ( i%9 == 0 && i < n="nihush;" class="mispar">"+i+""
if ( j%10 == 0 )
ribua+=""
j++
}
ribua+="
"+windi[n]+"
"
sign.innerHTML=ribua
tshuva.innerHTML=""
}
function showAnswer()
{
tshuva.innerHTML=windi[nihush]
}

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

This movie stunk. Don't watch it.

Yes, this one.
Unless you liked "No Country for Old Men". Mickey Rourke's character is depressing and pathetic. So is Marisa Tomei's. So is every single other character in this movie. Except for the "Ram"'s boss at that supermarket. He's just a plain dickface. The only positive in this movie was Tomei's character dancing routines. Her family must be very proud of her.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

This is how you say "suck on this, chump" in NBAnese:

Devin Harris, being fabulous:

Want some mayo in that truck sandwich?

This is unbelievable. Really.

I was waiting to see something gruesome - the crane boom or line snapping causing some tragic disaster or at least a vile collection of limbs and blood underneath that truck - yes that's me, always expecting the best. But, jeez, not a scratch. It was actually inspiring to see. I wonder what this dude has done in life to merit such a miracle? Or maybe it was just pure luck? I want a philosophical discussion about this now.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Who poses the greatest threat to your privacy?

Take the poll:
http://slashdot.org/pollBooth.pl?qid=1731

Facebook not gonna own your info for the rest of your life - for now

http://tech.slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=09/02/17/2213251

Download and play this game now:

So much fun. Who needs GTA-4 when you can play Planet SolarWolf for free?
Now if only there was some way to get past level 28. Holy gurnisht.

Download this little banger here:
http://www.pygame.org/shredwheat/solarwolf/

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Get that wax out of your ears - stone age style

I think my quest for the ultimate ear cleaning is over. Two nights ago I watched for the first time a show called 'Tribe'. Basically - for those not familiar - it's a bbc documentary series starring some English bloke as the presenter who makes contact with indigenous tribes in rather undeveloped parts of the world and lives with them - as they live - for 2 weeks. In the episode I saw, the guy went to live with a tribe in Papua called the Kombai. This is a tribe thats still subscribes to "The Stone Age Digest". They don't use metal tools, barely have a language and their main sources of nutrition are the sago tree, bats, fish, boars and basically anything that moves (including humans, but only if they're witches). Occasionally, they chop down a sago, wrap it in leaves and leave it in the forest to rot for a month and then come back to munch on the tree worms that have colonized inside the trunk. Happy times! In any event, our English friend joins them on their escapade and right after they snack on the worms they take a different, smaller (by far) worm and hold it into his ear to eat out the wax (this part isn't showed in the clip - you'll just have to take my word for it). His face makes different expressions of surprise and pleasure as the worm's inside feasting and watching it actually made me jealous, but after he lets out a small yelp of pain the tribesman pulls out the invertebrate.

I want that. I want a worm to get into my ear and do some house cleaning. OK, so I'm slightly obsessed with earwax but what can I do? I really fantasize about scraping out a big chunk. I know I have some in there and qtips are a sham. They never come up with anything substantial. In the meantime, until I realize my worm fantasy I'll settle for a tweezer.

Grand Theft Auto Nastiness

I don't know anything about video games, especially not about GTA. But that doesn't mean I can't get nauseated by this disgusting display of nudity. IF that even qualifies as nudity. Nudity is too nice of a word. This is more like "horrendous, creepy, animated character shows us things we never want to see. ever".
Just make sure to watch until 3:09.
Grand Theft Auto 4: The Lost and Damned 'Full Frontal' clip

Via: 1up.com

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Michael Jackson contributes to coffee making

It's nice to be nice. It really is. But when you try to make coffee for all of your colleagues, things can get frustrating. Dark, no sugar, strong, cream, milk, black...it's hard to keep up with the specific taste of each individual.

That's why Mr. Daz devised the perfect method for getting your colleagues' coffee orders just right.

"In a busy office environment it’s often better if one person makes a round of drinks for everyone, that way you don’t all leave your desk at the same time and the work flow isn’t interrupted too much. However, it’s difficult when making tea and coffee for five or more people when you have to do them all differently, sugar/no sugar, white/black, various degrees of milk. This is why I’ve come up with the Michael Jackson coffee scale. It’s simple and easy to understand, as everyone knows who Michael Jackson is, and what colour he was at different stages in his career.

For example, if you want a black coffee you ask for a 1968 Jacko, if you want it really milky you ask for a 2002 Jacko. If you like a splash of milk, you ask for a 1984 Jacko."

Via: Neatorama

I'm hope. Yes, I am.

I had time to Obamicon myself this morning. Thank goodness cuz I don't think I could've lived another day without it.

Now that I've done so and can die happy, I'm off to assist my niece with her school project. Yeah. That's what us cool people do.

Half-Cocked, that's me

Half-Cocked

Random Brutal Sex Dreamer (RBSD)

Fiery. Hungry. Blatant. Sexual. Christ. You are Half-Cocked.

There's a lot of wild lust inside you, banging around, that much is

obvious. There's also a lot of untamed emotion.

When either escapes, look out. One minute you're completely together,

the next you're a howling gale of hormones and opinions.

Outside relationships, your intense, mercurial personality

makes you a charmer. You can be fiercely devoted, and it's likely that

many of your friends will be friends-for-life.

Of course, your enemies are likewise certain and zealous,

especially your exes and their therapists.

You will find the right person. In the short term,

he's someone virile who won't sweat your imperfections.

In the long term, he will be someone mature and

caring who will grow to love them.

Always avoid: The Slow Dancer (DGLD)

Consider: The Playboy (RGSM), The Billy Goat (DBSD)

Your exact female opposite:

The Maid of Honor

Deliberate Gentle Love Master

Monday, February 16, 2009

Why do women try to hide the fact that they're sluts?

And want us men to respect them for their achievements not attributed to their physical form?
I bring this up because in the very limited amount of free time that I have I took a look at a website called okcupid.com. I got there because I googled "personality test" in Hebrew. Anyhow, turns out this website has some wildly popular test which sorts people out according to their dating personalities. So I took the test - without thinking at all before answering - and, well, uh, see for yourself:

The Last Man on Earth

Random Brutal Sex Dreamer (RBSD)

FACT: The apocalypse has come. All are dead. You never should've asked her out.

Shit, rejected again. You are The Last Man on Earth.

Sorry, but most women would rather see the human
species wither to an end—and therefore deny
the most fundamental instinct that living
creatures have—than sleep with you.

We've learned the following: you don't think things through.
You're haphazard. You're dangerous.
You're somewhat inexperienced.
It's totally obvious that you're a horny bugger, as well.
Everybody knows that and steers clear.

To top things off, when you do find your way
into a relationship,
you tend to be a dick somewhere down the line
and fuck it all up.

There's a small, but negligible, chance we're wrong.
In any case, your friends find your shit hilarious.
There's nothing cooler than a dude reducing himself
to human rubble.

ch.
Always avoid: The Sonnet (DGLD)

Consider: Half-Cocked (RBSD), The Nymph (DBSD
Your exact male opposite:
The Gentleman

Deliberate Gentle Love Master

You can take the test too here.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that a bunch of these girls on the website go on and on about how they're so great and the 18th century philosophers they read and the obscure movies they like and want you to beg them to answer your messages and to tell them how you're scared because they might be too sophisticated for you when all they really want is intimate relations with a man but noooo, until you'll reach that stratosphere you may as well randomly ask a girl off the street if you can buy her ice cream. Worked for me. Actually it didnt. But thats because I've never tried. I dont get out much. But I'm sure if I did I would be money.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Fallujah ain't ready for tourists yet.

But this is a hell of a good start. Mr. Marchio - a 33 year old Italian - travelled thru Egypt and Turkey to Iraq for leisurely purposes. He especially wanted to see Fallujah so he hopped on a bus and rode there, but after being spotted at a checkpoint at the entrance to the city local authorities had him shipped back to Baghdad and from there out of Iraq. Iraq, and Fallujah in particular, were deemed too dangerous for the bloke. He did get to go on some cheap boat rides on the Tigris, and to experience Iraqi public transportation before his trip was cut short though.
The NYTimes reported:

“I am a tourist. I want to see the most important cities in the country. That is the reason why I am here now,” he said in heavily accented English. “I want to see and understand the reality because I have never been here before, and I think every country in the world must be seen.”

That's the spirit son. You just wanna take what the world has to offer you, wherever. Good for you. Shame though that your fellow countrymen don't feel that you're Iraq material yet:

“I explained to him that it was not safe to move around,” said Renato Di Porcia, the deputy chief of mission at the Italian Embassy in Baghdad. “He is a little bit naïve.”

Sounds like something Jack Donaghy would say about Kenneth (30 Rock?). I'm sure they're plenty of white foreigners roaming around all parts of Iraq without being noticed, as military operatives, diplomats, or even journalists. Seems like this guy drew particular attention to himself as a foreigner. Guess that tourists are tourists in Iraq as well. So, for all you obvious tourists, just gonna have to wait until things quiet down and explosion-free open air markets and gift shops strike roots in Mesopatamia until you'll get your chance to photograph statues of Scheherazade.